Monday, July 13, 2015

Five Things About Teen Wolf 5x04, "Condition Terminal"

  1. Good lord, this episode was a structural mess. We start with a (presumable) flashback of Lydia and Parrish discussing Parrish’s weirdness, cut to a fairly well-done set of scenes that run through the aftermath of “Dreamcatchers,” then drop most of the aftermath (Lydia’s status, the Sheriff’s moral qualms) in order to lay down some exposition about what the hell’s going on. Then, we cut to Evil Mike Montgomery planting terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ideas in Donovan’s head. Then we drop that and spend all of acts three and four following the Adventures of the Gay Chimera and His Boyfriend, neither of whom we’ve ever met before—literally, they weren’t even introduced earlier in the episode, they were both introduced in act three. Then we briefly cut back to Malia’s weirdness, wrap up Gay Chimera and His Boyfriend, take a pit stop by WTF Is Up With Parrish Station, and then pull Donovan out of act two to hurt Stiles for the cliffhanger ending. Try writing a synopsis for this episode. I dare you.

  2. By my count, these are the major ongoing plotlines that Teen Wolf is working on:

    • The Dread Doctors are turning people into chimeras.
    • Evil Mike Montgomery has insinuated himself in the group.
    • Parrish is an apocalyptic fire being who may be connected to the Dread Doctors.
    • Donovan is a crazy chimera who has it out for the Sheriff.
    • The Desert Wolf is out there and super dangerous.
    • Kira seems to be losing control of her powers.
    • Lydia is seeing the Dread Doctors.
    And these are the major ongoing emotional threads that Teen Wolf is working on:

    • Kira and Scott’s relationship
    • Lydia and Parrish’s relationship
    • Scott’s career hopes
    • Tension in Scott and Stiles’ friendship
    • Malia’s relationship with her family
    • Whatever the fuck is going on with Liam and Mason and Sixth Grade Girl
    That is way too many things. Teen Wolf cannot handle that many things. It needs to cut out some of the things. Go back to old-school Teen Wolf: A villain, a villain who’s hunting the first villain, a stupid Scott plot, an excellent Stiles plot, and as many emotional arcs as needed for the major characters of the season. Half of this episode was about people I don’t care about doing things I am uninterested in. It had two freaking acts of Liam, Mason, and Sixth Grade Girl hanging out with Gay Chimera in a gay club. It was like season two all over again.

  3. Beacon Hills sure has a lot of gay clubs for a town with a population of 20,000.

  4. Credit where credit’s due: Evil Mike Montgomery is pretty good at being smarmily evil. I hope he gets unmasked relatively early, so I can see him and Stiles face off.

  5. You guys, I think Stiles’ Jeep might, possibly, just maybe, if you reeeeeeally think about it, be a metaphor.

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