Sunday, August 18, 2013

Actual Things I Said Out Loud While Watching the First Season and a Half of Nip/Tuck Until It Betrayed Me By Making Me Feel Things

In the vein of my previous post, Actual Things I Said Out Loud While Watching the First 2 Seasons of Pretty Little Liars Over a 4-Day Period. Herein you will find mild spoilers for Nip/Tuck and, oddly enough, major spoilers for The Newsroom.


"Ew. Ew. Ew, ew, ew."

"You brought hors d’oeurves to your sex-tervention?"

"Oh, honey, this is dumb."

"Honey, why are you doing this? Why are you so dumb?"

"This is unquestionably the stupidest idea anyone has ever had."

"You see how the music has stopped being awesome? That’s how you know this is a terrible idea."

"This is not the worst idea anybody’s ever had, actually."

"You sound super drunk."

"Look, I’m gonna say this just this one time: Cheat on your wife, damn it."

"Oh wow, you’re really fucked up in lots of ways, aren’t you?"

"You’re like Jack Harkness with less self-confidence. But also slightly less self-loathing."

"You, see a therapist. You, see twelve therapists. Liz, keep doing what you’re doing."

"No kissy."

"I find you people boring and despicable, but better than watching kids die on The Newsroom, so…"

"I just need you to stop pretending you’re a mother."

"This is like the gradually-revealed backstory of a murder on an episode of Cold Case."

"For once, everybody else is as uncomfortable as I am."

"Shouldn’t you have some fucking security for your operating room? People are always just walking in there."

"Thank you for reminding me, as if I needed to be reminded, of how horrible of a person you are."

"Ha ha ha, your hair!"

"You guys just have a weird little thing going, don’t you?"

"But honey, if you’re gonna point a gun at a drug dealer, you gotta fucking shoot it."

"Why are you so short?"

"You just need to, like, settle down and have your threesome. Y’know?"

"I always feel kinda weird eating during this show."

"Stop it. Stop it, this show is terrible, and I don’t want to like it."

"Oh oh oh oh oh oh it’s a baby! Oh oh it’s a baby!"

"[said while fake crying] Baby. I want the baby. I want the baby."

"I do not watch this show to be in pain. I watch this show to have something to do while I do other stuff."

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